am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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