Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize