I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
