I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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