if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
