32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize