Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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