Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
