Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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