I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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