Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
