Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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