he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
