i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
