if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
