So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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