I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
