I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
