if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
