So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
