it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
