Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize