can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
