just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
