Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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