You can't special order awesome
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
