i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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