Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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