FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Floor bacon is actually really good
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
