Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
