pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
