i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have grass duct taped all over my body
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
