I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Welp...herpes.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
