I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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