pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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