either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
