man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
