Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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