I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
