**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
