walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
