I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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