saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
