2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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