Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
