Plan B is the new Plan A
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
