I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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