how can u be prego again
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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