Umm I'm too high to move.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
