new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
