Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
