there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
