I wish my penis had an off switch
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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