I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
