How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
as a side note pls kill me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
