I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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