Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
