saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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