We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
