Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
