After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
