it's too hot outside to masturbate.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
