Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
