Fine. I'll sleep in my office
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
