i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
