OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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