Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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