first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
