he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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