P.S. I can't hear my feet
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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