he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
