Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
