Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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