I'm so fucking centered right now
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
