So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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