Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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