Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
