I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
