I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I AM VODKA MAN
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
