I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
