I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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