Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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