I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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