She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
