Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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