Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize