I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I see more hoeing in ur future
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