whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
