remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Tell her she can't have a vagina
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize