i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
