I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
