census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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