he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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