I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
