oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
