I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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