drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize