I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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