dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
