i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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