I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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