There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's the barista slut.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
