Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
