i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
