There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
