those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Everclear isn't food dammit
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
