It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
