we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize