I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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