if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
