I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
