I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
